カテゴリー: Empowering Parents/Teachers

I have heard this somewhere. The relationship between a mother and a baby develops during pregnancy, and when a baby needs 24-hour undivided attention. 

On the other hand, dads need to make an effort consciously to develop a relationship with their baby. I am sure that this applies to only a few dads, but I felt mine was in this case. My son did not call me “Papa” until 3 years old. Do you have the same experience with your kid? Yosuke, my 3-year-old son, is finally starting to approve of me as a dad. 

My son does not call me “Dad” or “Papa.”

Yosuke calls me “Tan” or “Tanko.”

It is just a sound. no meaning. 

Since my daughter called me “Papa,” I assumed that my son would call me the same, but not. He can talk now. He could pronounce the “PA” sound. But he does not call me “Papa.” He shakes his head every time I ask him to say “papa.”

Here is the story I want to share. 

Erin, co-founder of Feelosopher’s Path, and I run a summer camp with amazing staff. I take some Japanese students to the San Fransico Bay Area for 3 weeks. 

Yosuke was 18 months old. It was tough coming home after the summer camp in 2024. He cried every time he did not see my wife. For example, we were in a living room together, and Hiromi got up to get something from the kitchen, and he cried. He wanted to escape from my arms while he was crying. That went for about 2 months. 

My wife sent me a clip one day when they visited the Ibaraki Nature Museum. 

https://www.nat.museum.ibk.ed.jp/english/

Yosuke was standing in front of the human evolution display. He pointed at Neanderthal and said, “Tanko!” He was not pointing at a man in front of the line.  

I always thought that he did not want to call me “Papa” because he did not approve of me as a dad. He thought that “Should I develop a relationship with this dude? He can be gone for a long time.” The only adult he could rely on was his mother. I don’t blame him. 

My son Yosuke and I sleep in the same futon, and we chat, and I usually fall asleep first. There was a week he cried almost every night. “I wanted to see you so bad!” He could say that because he can speak and share his feelings now. 

He said he dreamed that I was gone for a long time and he was alone.

Maybe that happened. It was not a dream. I was gone for a long time, and it must have scared you. 

Guess what?

For some reason, Yosuke started calling me “Papa” lately. Of course, he calls me “Tan” but I hear more “Papa”

So, I told my wife, 

“I think the reason Yosuke started to call me “papa” is because Yosuke shared how he was feeling at night in a futon when I was gone for the summer!”

My wife said, 

“I think you are interpreting it in the way you like.”  

Anyway, I think this is true that

The best gift for the kids is not “presents” but “being present.” They want our undivided attention.

Steve, my boss and amazing educator, often mentioned how important it is to send kids to bed early and also be with them for a while, although they are in their teens at the parental meeting, because they may share their feelings or ask you for some advice.

I will miss being called “Tan” or “Tanko.”

I am looking forward to spending more time with Yosuke. 

Hello, my name is Hiroshi, and I have been in education for more than twenty years. Also, I have been married for almost 5 years, and I have an amazing wife and 3 kids. So, I have been an educator longer than I have been a dad. I would like to share our experience on how amazing it is to raise kids in Japan, and also our epic adventure in Japan. Brace for impact!

Last summer, one of our camp staff asked us, “Can we learn valuable lessons from our adventures in our daily lives? Yes or No?”

My answer was “No, you need to go on an adventure to learn those valuable lessons.” But, I am not quite sure about my answer now because my kids come home with a lot of stories every day, and it means a lot to them. I don’t think my answer applies to my kids. They have the power to turn anything into their epic adventure.  Anyway, I think I need to rethink my answer with my kids. 

What makes an adventure? 

What are the elements you value when you are on adventure?

A couple of years ago, I was on a road trip with my students. We camped at Kings Canyon National Park and took an overnight hike to Twin Lake. We could not believe that there would be lakes on top of the mountain. We relied on the signpost on the trail to get to Twin Lake. We stopped at the tiny waterfall to purify water to make our drinking water. We tried dehydrated food we had never tried, including pudding. We needed to walk fast where the lightning hit many trees. We need to be careful about the time when we start to walk on the trail so that we don’t run into bears. Twin Lakes were just for us. An amazing view was waiting for us. I truly enjoyed the hike. On the way home, we drove to Yosemite and saw an amazing waterfall, El Capitan, a very famous place. 

When we came home, we talked a lot about the hike to Twin Lakes, and not so much about the time in Yosemite. I think it is because we were just tourists in Yosemite, not the explorers in Kings Canyon. We bought souvenirs from the gift shop in Yosemite, instead of having the adventure stories. 

So, what is important for me when I go on an adventure? 

I come home with a bunch of stories. Instead of things to have or give, I believe “stories” are the best souvenir from the adventure. In addition, when we talk about the stories from the adventure, we celebrate who we were.

These are some important ingredients for my adventure.

① Embrace the unexpected. I love taking back roads and finding beautiful places to rest, or stopping at local shops to chat with a store person. I see flyers for local events in local shops, and those are the ones that sometimes give me unexpected experiences. 

② Random conversations with random people. I enjoy talking with people when I travel. For me, those are the people who give me “food for thought,” which enriches my experience during the adventure. You can be whoever you want. Try “Act as if” Act as if you are the most friendly person they will meet that day!

③ Bring “YOUR” adventure. Immerse. Be in a moment. Be present. How do you capture the moment? Journaling? drawing pictures?… My son was making a rubber stamp “Hanko” when he was inspired by the place during the trip, and negotiated to leave it so that some people may find it fun at the sightseeing places, train stations, or ferry terminals, where you find commemorative stamps. 

④ Try new things.  It does not matter whether small or big. Do you have moments like this? You feel you don’t need to even try because you know what’s going to happen, although you have not tried yet. When I have those feelings and thoughts, I want to make sure that I try. 

I want to share with my family what’s important to me during an adventure that I cannot share with them at home. And, I am sure that I will add more to my important elements when I go adventure with my family.

Imase family adventure begins.