My kids have been practicing getting snacks while we were in the same store. We sit in the cafeteria area, and they go get their own snack. They cannot use the machine yet because of their height, so they have to wait in line. I knew the next step would be sending them from our home rather than the cafeteria.
Yosuke’s snack was snatched by a crow in the park yesterday. Yosuke was so surprised to see it that he talked about his snack for the rest of the day. I told him to buy the same snack the next day. My daughter was also shocked to see it, so she wanted to go get one with him on their own. Well, she wanted to do First time chores.
Today was cold and windy. I wish they had chosen the warmer day to do the first-time chores. My wife asked me, “Are you sure?”
I told Chia and Yosuke “Don’t cross the street. Take the over crossing. And remember, don’t run, stay together.” My kids were so ready. They were so sure that they could do it. They are getting warmer clothes.
I left home a couple mins late and crossed the street to follow them. They were not running on the street, and they were walking together as we promised.
I took a different route home so that I could pretend I was home this whole time. I wanted to welcome them home.
They acted as if it were not a big deal when they came home. It was a big deal! We are very proud of you two!
My wife told me, “Don’t come back,” just as my son and I were about to leave to climb a mountain. My answer was “I hope not.”
A couple of months ago, we left for a climb in the evening. We were about to challenge one of the most strenuous courses in the Japan Alps, and we prepared for years. The conversation between my son and me got so heated in the car that we decided to head home. Well, I decided to head back. That surprised my wife, who was already asleep. So that is why she was saying “Don’t come back!” to us instead of “Come home safely.” I am sure that you guys have similar experiences with your kids.
It takes about 4 hours to get to the trailhead from my house. It is always a good opportunity for my son and me to chat. We are talking about how he feels about his big exam next month, to how we feel about what’s going on in the world. We talked about how lucky we are to have an amazing family.
It was a perfect day to go mountain climbing. A blue sky and no clouds, and very warm for January.
Well, guess what? We couldn’t reach the top of Mt. Akadake. We did not leave on time, so we arrived at the base lodge very late. But we had a great walk-and-talk in nature. I think my wife is proud of me. My son and I made a different choice this time. I knew we would not have enough time (enough to climb safely) to climb Mt. Akadake. But it was enough for us to talk about and face the natural consequences of our actions and the choices we made.
If we had gone to climb Mt. Akadake from the time we left, it would have been the kind of climbing I don’t like. It means we probably don’t have time to stop and enjoy the scenery or the conversations. We don’t have time to pay attention to the details of what we see and take photos. Just needed to push and rush. In fact, we did not stop to rest first 3 hours to get to the base lodge. It was already 10:00am. We should have been there by 8:00am. In fact, many climbers were coming down to the base lodge from the peak.
My son and I are starting to have a good conversation, and I wanted to continue that. When my son and I go climbing, that brings out feelings that don’t usually arise in our daily life. It may be an opportunity to make big changes in our daily lives. Put them into action and incorporate the determination into our daily lives. Sometimes, changing your daily life is more difficult than embarking on a big adventure.
On the way home, we did not take a highway. We took the local roads home. Just having more conversations with my son. But my son fell asleep in the passenger seat.
After he came home from the trip, he unpacked his gear and went to sleep. Now, he is working on something with a cardboard box in his room. I think he is working to build something to help himself finish his middle school year strong.
It was not the climb we expected, but we came home feeling well rested and more respected for each other.
He used the green backpack for the climb, and I gave it to him when he started climbing a mountain with me. Wow, time flies.
I hear my daughter’s name “Chia” at the school gate when teachers are standing and greeting in the morning. Then I hear her classmate chanting “Chia-chan” as she walks to her classroom. It gives me warmth and smiles every morning. It is an amazing way to start my day as well. Children feel welcome and also part of the community.
The names parents came up with after days of thinking. It’s a gift children receive from their parents for the first time when they come into this world. I believe that parents need people who call their child names. That means your kids have someone in their lives who is looking after and caring for them. Those people tell you things you don’t know about your children. Things you don’t recognize. Those are the people who give what parents cannot give and share.
One of my students’ parents asked me how she could continue working with middle school students, because she ran an organization for students who don’t attend school. She said that many elementary school kids attend the event, but fewer middle school students do.
If there is an event that children have never attended, elementary school students may think,
“That sounds fun. I want to go!”
“That sounds interesting.”
“I want to do that.”
They tend to think about what’s going to happen at the event.
However, adolescents may feel,
“Who will be there? How many are coming?”
“How do I look if I join?”
“What do other people think of me?”
“Am I too old for that?”
They tend to think about who will be there and how I am going to be viewed. Adolescents can be very self-conscious.
I advised her to call everyone by name. Help children call each other by name instead of “Onisan – older brother” and “Onesan – older sister.” They can have fun name tags. It’s very simple and yet so meaningful to adolescents. Treat them as young adults, not children. Give them responsibilities. Let them be part of your goals, instead of activities. Let them enjoy who they are, and who they can become, even if it’s a one-day event.
I want to call my child’ friends and classmates by name as much as I can.
On Friday, Chia learned something about Dharuma, a figure modeled after Bodhidharma, the founder of Zen Buddhism. She said she wanted to paint in pink, but she did not have a pink color. She was explaining to me what colors represent in paper. I think that she was just making things up. In Utsunomiya, Tochigi, a New Year Dharma market was held this weekend. So, I told the family we are going to check that out. Yes, Imase family is very spontaneous
Kids picked their favorite colors of Dharuma, then later found out the meanings of each color, like health, safety at home, studying, money, and more.
The guy told Chia and Yosuke to draw the left eye tomorrow because tomorrow is a good day to do it in the calendar. Chia and Yosuke were hunting for “rainbow color,” but they could not find it.
When they came home, they played with Dharma. Dharma was traveling in the lift. Dharmas were in the little dollhouse with other figures, like dinosaurs. They could not wait until tomorrow to draw the left eye. They have already drawn all kinds of stuff on Dharma. It’s probably natural to add those Dharmas to their toy collections and play with them rather than display them.
They bought the green color one for my mother. The green one happened to be wishing for health.
“whenever you want, it’s best to do it right now” for kids.
My son, Rintaro. You have been amazing. I hope you continue your adventures and meet amazing people.
I cannot thank our Feelosopher’s Path Community enough for raising him over the last 5 years into a better, stronger, and kinder person. Of course, he is a work in progress. I truly appreciate the guidance and care of all the people in the community who gave to Rintaro. It was a life-changing experience for Rintaro.
I believe in this approach: “It takes a village to raise a kid.” Although creating a safe community is not easy for parents and kids, and it is a collective effort, it can be a life-saving experience for some families. A couple of years ago, Rintaro lost his peers’ trust because he was irresponsible and immature, and he didn’t keep his promises. His peers gave him a chance to recover their trust. Thank you for working with him so that he knows who he is and whom he can become. His peers’ parents climbed mountains with him and cheered him many times. Community members read his reflections from the adventure and commented on his posts. Thank you so much. I hope he understands how lucky he is.
Rintaro told me that he needed to grow with his peers and go out of his comfort zone with them. He could manage his feelings better because he needed to work with his peers, even though there were many conflicts. He recognized the importance of having friends and going on adventures with his peers. Thanks to the community, he is able to care for others and do things that involve others instead of doing them by himself. He could joke around and have a serious conversation with his peers at the same time. He could share his feelings and thoughts. Rintaro, you are very lucky to have such amazing peers.
Rintaro and I became a family when I was 45, and he was 10. He was near the end of 4th grade. When my parents found out I would have a son, my dad shared his wisdom with me once again. “Don’t choose the path for your kids, because they will blame you if there are obstacles on the path. If they choose the path, they will problem-solve to pass the obstacles. So, just support whatever they want to do. Did I choose the path for you? ” I shook my head.
But I have to tell you that my dad couldn’t be, because he wasn’t around when I was growing up. That is another story. Anyway, I told my dad the path Rintaro wanted to take. “Rintato wants to be homeless when he grows up.”
My dad was laughing…But I was not. Rintaro found a hammock in my house, so I told him he could use it. I also told him there was a park in front of my house and pointed out two trees he could use. Did I do too much for him already to support what he wants to be? How do you raise a kid who does not give a frappe about his future?
He gave up on himself. He did not give himself a chance to be better. He did not know he could be amazing. “You can be amazing if you want to be,” I told him.
However, ultimately, this has to come from within him, not from me. “I can be amazing if I want to be.”
I told my wife.“For the next 3 years, Rintaro and I can do things together. But, he probably does not want to do things with his parents after he becomes a middle school student. He would prefer to do it on his own or with his peers.”
Actually, that moment came earlier than I expected. When we went to Hokkaido for the summer. He wanted to travel on his own. He was a 7th grader. I asked him, “How about the family time and a family photo?”
He replied, “What about it?” He stayed at the youth hostels he chose, took the train line he had chosen, and visited the places he had chosen. Only the random challenge from me was to make dinner and offer it at the hostel. We were traveling separately for about 1 week. Because he was traveling alone, he could meet amazing people. He had a blast! Sometimes, we parents are the obstacles to kids having amazing opportunities. When he became an 8th grader, he told us he wanted to try the Shikoku Pilgrimage during the summer break, which is 4 weeks long.
The Shikoku 88 Temple Pilgrimage is one of the few circular-shaped pilgrimages in the world. It includes 88 “official” temples and numerous other sacred sites where Kūkai (Kōbō Daishi) is believed to have trained or spent time during the 9th Century. If walked, the entire route is about 1,200 kilometers long, which allows one to experience the abundant natural surroundings of Shikoku and presents visitors with numerous opportunities to mix with local people. https://shikoku-tourism.com/en/shikoku-henro/shikoku-henro
I think he was a wanderlust. He wanted to go on the Shikoku Pilgrimage for over 4 weeks. He wanted to sleep in the tent beside the road. He wants to walk miles and miles. The only concern for us was that he had to be careful about heat stroke. Fortunately, he met amazing people who took such good care of him. When he came home, he told me that he wanted to send thank-you cards. Taniguchi san, who took care of him, set up a Facebook group page to help out with Rintaro’s Pilgrimage. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1193549688451345
Later, he went back to complete the Shikoku Pilgrimage during his winter vacation. He has completed about 75% of the route so far. I am sure that he wants to complete it this year. He did not need a hammock. He needed empowering experiences, climbing mountains, and his solo adventure.
Now, what he wants to do when he grows up changes every time he goes on a new adventure. He became hopeful from hopeless.
“To become experience.”I am not looking for things he likes or can do. That is boring. He does not have to prove it. There is no effort involved. I want to work with him
on things that involve preparation. He needs to work towards so that he will be a “work in progress.”
“I am bad at it.” Those are the phrases I want.
He is beginning to like Running: he did not like running in front of people, so he did not want to participate in marathon events. But he started running every morning and evening for about 4 miles; he has a greater passion for running.
Climbing with self-belaying: He was afraid of heights, but he overcame his fear of heights. He enjoys climbing and needs 3 points of support or self-belaying.
Lately, many parents have wanted to discuss their parenting styles with me. “Hands off or Hands on?” “Too much involvement or too little involvement? “Am I doing too much for kids?” That totally depends on the kids and their different stages. So, you don’t need to listen to what the popular approach is. See the kids in front of you and challenge them. To challenge them, you need to know what a challenge looks like and what it means.
I am more of a “Let go of your kid’s hand” approach. My wife and I are taking an “Educational Risks” so that Rintaro can grow from the experiences he needs. Guiding a son to have a healthy adolescent stage. What is the healthy adolescent stage? If kids are talking about their feelings and thoughts to people who are not parents while traveling or going on an adventure during adolescence, I believe kids are physically, socially, and emotionally healthy.
Rintaro and I have climbed many mountains over the last 5 years with people from our Feelosopher’s Path community. Also, he has been taking an adventure on his own.
I asked him to climb Mt. Nishihodakadake in the Japanese Alps last February. He said, “I am not sure.” He usually says, “Yes, let’s go!”He was a bit scared of climbing during winter. “Well, you are going, so get ready. We leave tonight.”
I told him, “If you start to choose the opportunity, your comfort zone will get smaller.” It is because kids tend to choose things they enjoy, find easy, or are capable of.
Once we are in the Nishihodaka lodge, he said, “I think I will set my goal to reach the Doppo peak.” I said, “Why Doppyo?” Rintaro said, “It’s because many of them said they go to Doppyo during the winter. I watched it on YouTube.” I told him,” Never set a goal based on someone’s goal. They have different mindsets and skill sets. That is their goals and not ours.” I told Rintaro, “We will aim for Pyramid’s peak.” I knew that Rintaro could go much farther and reach the Pyramid’s peak. However, he did not think he could do it yet. He should be scared of the challenge because he was about to go out of his comfort zone.
He made a joke about it, “It took a series of mountain climbs to do a back hip circle.”
Now he knows from his experience what “Do it as if your life depended on it” means.
I have heard this somewhere. The relationship between a mother and a baby develops during pregnancy, and when a baby needs 24-hour undivided attention.
On the other hand, dads need to make an effort consciously to develop a relationship with their baby. I am sure that this applies to only a few dads, but I felt mine was in this case. My son did not call me “Papa” until 3 years old. Do you have the same experience with your kid? Yosuke, my 3-year-old son, is finally starting to approve of me as a dad.
My son does not call me “Dad” or “Papa.”
Yosuke calls me “Tan” or “Tanko.”
It is just a sound. no meaning.
Since my daughter called me “Papa,” I assumed that my son would call me the same, but not. He can talk now. He could pronounce the “PA” sound. But he does not call me “Papa.” He shakes his head every time I ask him to say “papa.”
Here is the story I want to share.
Erin, co-founder of Feelosopher’s Path, and I run a summer camp with amazing staff. I take some Japanese students to the San Fransico Bay Area for 3 weeks.
Yosuke was 18 months old. It was tough coming home after the summer camp in 2024. He cried every time he did not see my wife. For example, we were in a living room together, and Hiromi got up to get something from the kitchen, and he cried. He wanted to escape from my arms while he was crying. That went for about 2 months.
My wife sent me a clip one day when they visited the Ibaraki Nature Museum.
Yosuke was standing in front of the human evolution display. He pointed at Neanderthal and said, “Tanko!” He was not pointing at a man in front of the line.
I always thought that he did not want to call me “Papa” because he did not approve of me as a dad. He thought that “Should I develop a relationship with this dude? He can be gone for a long time.” The only adult he could rely on was his mother. I don’t blame him.
My son Yosuke and I sleep in the same futon, and we chat, and I usually fall asleep first. There was a week he cried almost every night. “I wanted to see you so bad!” He could say that because he can speak and share his feelings now.
He said he dreamed that I was gone for a long time and he was alone.
Maybe that happened. It was not a dream. I was gone for a long time, and it must have scared you.
Guess what?
For some reason, Yosuke started calling me “Papa” lately. Of course, he calls me “Tan” but I hear more “Papa”
So, I told my wife,
“I think the reason Yosuke started to call me “papa” is because Yosuke shared how he was feeling at night in a futon when I was gone for the summer!”
My wife said,
“I think you are interpreting it in the way you like.”
Anyway, I think this is true that
The best gift for the kids is not “presents” but “being present.” They want our undivided attention.
Steve, my boss and amazing educator, often mentioned how important it is to send kids to bed early and also be with them for a while, although they are in their teens at the parental meeting, because they may share their feelings or ask you for some advice.
I will miss being called “Tan” or “Tanko.”
I am looking forward to spending more time with Yosuke.
A beautiful sunrise on New Year from Mt. Tsukuba, Ibaraki, Japan Jan.1 2026
Hello, my name is Hiroshi, and I have been in education for more than twenty years. Also, I have been married for almost 5 years, and I have an amazing wife and 3 kids. So, I have been an educator longer than I have been a dad. I would like to share our experience on how amazing it is to raise kids in Japan, and also our epic adventure in Japan. Brace for impact!
Last summer, one of our camp staff asked us, “Can we learn valuable lessons from our adventures in our daily lives? Yes or No?”
My answer was “No, you need to go on an adventure to learn those valuable lessons.” But, I am not quite sure about my answer now because my kids come home with a lot of stories every day, and it means a lot to them. I don’t think my answer applies to my kids. They have the power to turn anything into their epic adventure. Anyway, I think I need to rethink my answer with my kids.
What makes an adventure?
What are the elements you value when you are on adventure?
A couple of years ago, I was on a road trip with my students. We camped at Kings Canyon National Park and took an overnight hike to Twin Lake. We could not believe that there would be lakes on top of the mountain. We relied on the signpost on the trail to get to Twin Lake. We stopped at the tiny waterfall to purify water to make our drinking water. We tried dehydrated food we had never tried, including pudding. We needed to walk fast where the lightning hit many trees. We need to be careful about the time when we start to walk on the trail so that we don’t run into bears. Twin Lakes were just for us. An amazing view was waiting for us. I truly enjoyed the hike. On the way home, we drove to Yosemite and saw an amazing waterfall, El Capitan, a very famous place.
When we came home, we talked a lot about the hike to Twin Lakes, and not so much about the time in Yosemite. I think it is because we were just tourists in Yosemite, not the explorers in Kings Canyon. We bought souvenirs from the gift shop in Yosemite, instead of having the adventure stories.
So, what is important for me when I go on an adventure?
I come home with a bunch of stories. Instead of things to have or give, I believe “stories” are the best souvenir from the adventure. In addition, when we talk about the stories from the adventure, we celebrate who we were.
These are some important ingredients for my adventure.
① Embrace the unexpected. I love taking back roads and finding beautiful places to rest, or stopping at local shops to chat with a store person. I see flyers for local events in local shops, and those are the ones that sometimes give me unexpected experiences.
② Random conversations with random people. I enjoy talking with people when I travel. For me, those are the people who give me “food for thought,” which enriches my experience during the adventure. You can be whoever you want. Try “Act as if” Act as if you are the most friendly person they will meet that day!
③ Bring “YOUR” adventure. Immerse. Be in a moment. Be present. How do you capture the moment? Journaling? drawing pictures?… My son was making a rubber stamp “Hanko” when he was inspired by the place during the trip, and negotiated to leave it so that some people may find it fun at the sightseeing places, train stations, or ferry terminals, where you find commemorative stamps.
④ Try new things. It does not matter whether small or big. Do you have moments like this? You feel you don’t need to even try because you know what’s going to happen, although you have not tried yet. When I have those feelings and thoughts, I want to make sure that I try.
I want to share with my family what’s important to me during an adventure that I cannot share with them at home. And, I am sure that I will add more to my important elements when I go adventure with my family.
今瀬博の教育と子育てと冒険話・Words of wisdom: Education, Parenting and Adventure 