Thanks to the FP community, my son grew up from hopeless to hopeful.

My son, Rintaro. You have been amazing. I hope you continue your adventures and meet amazing people. 

I cannot thank our Feelosopher’s Path Community enough for raising him over the last 5 years into a better, stronger, and kinder person. Of course, he is a work in progress. I truly appreciate the guidance and care of all the people in the community who gave to Rintaro. It was a life-changing experience for Rintaro. 

I believe in this approach: “It takes a village to raise a kid.” Although creating a safe community is not easy for parents and kids, and it is a collective effort, it can be a life-saving experience for some families. A couple of years ago, Rintaro lost his peers’ trust because he was irresponsible and immature, and he didn’t keep his promises. His peers gave him a chance to recover their trust. Thank you for working with him so that he knows who he is and whom he can become. His peers’ parents climbed mountains with him and cheered him many times. Community members read his reflections from the adventure and commented on his posts. Thank you so much. I hope he understands how lucky he is. 

Rintaro told me that he needed to grow with his peers and go out of his comfort zone with them. He could manage his feelings better because he needed to work with his peers, even though there were many conflicts. He recognized the importance of having friends and going on adventures with his peers. Thanks to the community, he is able to care for others and do things that involve others instead of doing them by himself. He could joke around and have a serious conversation with his peers at the same time. He could share his feelings and thoughts. Rintaro, you are very lucky to have such amazing peers. 

Rintaro and I became a family when I was 45, and he was 10. He was near the end of 4th grade. When my parents found out I would have a son, my dad shared his wisdom with me once again. “Don’t choose the path for your kids, because they will blame you if there are obstacles on the path. If they choose the path, they will problem-solve to pass the obstacles. So, just support whatever they want to do. Did I choose the path for you? ”
I shook my head. 

But I have to tell you that my dad couldn’t be, because he wasn’t around when I was growing up. That is another story. Anyway, I told my dad the path Rintaro wanted to take. “Rintato wants to be homeless when he grows up.” 

My dad was laughing…But I was not. Rintaro found a hammock in my house, so I told him he could use it. I also told him there was a park in front of my house and pointed out two trees he could use. Did I do too much for him already to support what he wants to be? How do you raise a kid who does not give a frappe about his future? 

He gave up on himself. He did not give himself a chance to be better. He did not know he could be amazing. “You can be amazing if you want to be,” I told him. 

However, ultimately, this has to come from within him, not from me. “I can be amazing if I want to be.” 

I told my wife.“For the next 3 years, Rintaro and I can do things together. But, he probably does not want to do things with his parents after he becomes a middle school student. He would prefer to do it on his own or with his peers.”

Actually, that moment came earlier than I expected. When we went to Hokkaido for the summer. He wanted to travel on his own. He was a 7th grader. I asked him, “How about the family time and a family photo?” 

He replied, “What about it?” He stayed at the youth hostels he chose, took the train line he had chosen, and visited the places he had chosen. Only the random challenge from me was to make dinner and offer it at the hostel. We were traveling separately for about 1 week. Because he was traveling alone, he could meet amazing people. He had a blast! Sometimes, we parents are the obstacles to kids having amazing opportunities. When he became an 8th grader, he told us he wanted to try the Shikoku Pilgrimage during the summer break, which is 4 weeks long. 

The Shikoku 88 Temple Pilgrimage is one of the few circular-shaped pilgrimages in the world. It includes 88 “official” temples and numerous other sacred sites where Kūkai (Kōbō Daishi) is believed to have trained or spent time during the 9th Century. If walked, the entire route is about 1,200 kilometers long, which allows one to experience the abundant natural surroundings of Shikoku and presents visitors with numerous opportunities to mix with local people. https://shikoku-tourism.com/en/shikoku-henro/shikoku-henro

I think he was a wanderlust. He wanted to go on the Shikoku Pilgrimage for over 4 weeks. He wanted to sleep in the tent beside the road. He wants to walk miles and miles. The only concern for us was that he had to be careful about heat stroke. Fortunately, he met amazing people who took such good care of him. When he came home, he told me that he wanted to send thank-you cards. Taniguchi san, who took care of him, set up a Facebook group page to help out with Rintaro’s Pilgrimage. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1193549688451345

Later, he went back to complete the Shikoku Pilgrimage during his winter vacation. He has completed about 75% of the route so far. I am sure that he wants to complete it this year. 
He did not need a hammock. He needed empowering experiences, climbing mountains, and his solo adventure. 

Now, what he wants to do when he grows up changes every time he goes on a new adventure. He became hopeful from hopeless. 

“To become experience.”I am not looking for things he likes or can do. That is boring. He does not have to prove it. There is no effort involved. I want to work with him 

on things that involve preparation. He needs to work towards so that he will be a “work in progress.”

“I am bad at it.” Those are the phrases I want. 

He is beginning to like 
Running: he did not like running in front of people, so he did not want to participate in marathon events. But he started running every morning and evening for about 4 miles; he has a greater passion for running. 

Climbing with self-belaying: He was afraid of heights, but he overcame his fear of heights. He enjoys climbing and needs 3 points of support or self-belaying.  

Lately, many parents have wanted to discuss their parenting styles with me. “Hands off or Hands on?” “Too much involvement or too little involvement? “Am I doing too much for kids?” That totally depends on the kids and their different stages. So, you don’t need to listen to what the popular approach is. See the kids in front of you and challenge them. To challenge them, you need to know what a challenge looks like and what it means. 

I am more of a “Let go of your kid’s hand” approach. My wife and I are taking an “Educational Risks” so that Rintaro can grow from the experiences he needs. Guiding a son to have a healthy adolescent stage. What is the healthy adolescent stage? If kids are talking about their feelings and thoughts to people who are not parents while traveling or going on an adventure during adolescence, I believe kids are physically, socially, and emotionally healthy. 

Rintaro and I have climbed many mountains over the last 5 years with people from our Feelosopher’s Path community. Also, he has been taking an adventure on his own. 

I asked him to climb Mt. Nishihodakadake in the Japanese Alps last February. He said, “I am not sure.” He usually says, “Yes, let’s go!”He was a bit scared of climbing during winter. “Well, you are going, so get ready. We leave tonight.” 

I told him, “If you start to choose the opportunity, your comfort zone will get smaller.” It is because kids tend to choose things they enjoy, find easy, or are capable of. 

Once we are in the Nishihodaka lodge, he said, “I think I will set my goal to reach the Doppo peak.” I said, “Why Doppyo?” Rintaro said, “It’s because many of them said they go to Doppyo during the winter. I watched it on YouTube.” I told him,” Never set a goal based on someone’s goal. They have different mindsets and skill sets. That is their goals and not ours.” I told Rintaro, “We will aim for Pyramid’s peak.” I knew that Rintaro could go much farther and reach the Pyramid’s peak. However, he did not think he could do it yet. He should be scared of the challenge because he was about to go out of his comfort zone. 

He made a joke about it, “It took a series of mountain climbs to do a back hip circle.”

Now he knows from his experience what  “Do it as if your life depended on it” means.

You should be proud of yourself.

We are proud of you.