The best gift for the kids is not “presents” but “being present.” They want our undivided attention.

I have heard this somewhere. The relationship between a mother and a baby develops during pregnancy, and when a baby needs 24-hour undivided attention. 

On the other hand, dads need to make an effort consciously to develop a relationship with their baby. I am sure that this applies to only a few dads, but I felt mine was in this case. My son did not call me “Papa” until 3 years old. Do you have the same experience with your kid? Yosuke, my 3-year-old son, is finally starting to approve of me as a dad. 

My son does not call me “Dad” or “Papa.”

Yosuke calls me “Tan” or “Tanko.”

It is just a sound. no meaning. 

Since my daughter called me “Papa,” I assumed that my son would call me the same, but not. He can talk now. He could pronounce the “PA” sound. But he does not call me “Papa.” He shakes his head every time I ask him to say “papa.”

Here is the story I want to share. 

Erin, co-founder of Feelosopher’s Path, and I run a summer camp with amazing staff. I take some Japanese students to the San Fransico Bay Area for 3 weeks. 

Yosuke was 18 months old. It was tough coming home after the summer camp in 2024. He cried every time he did not see my wife. For example, we were in a living room together, and Hiromi got up to get something from the kitchen, and he cried. He wanted to escape from my arms while he was crying. That went for about 2 months. 

My wife sent me a clip one day when they visited the Ibaraki Nature Museum. 

https://www.nat.museum.ibk.ed.jp/english/

Yosuke was standing in front of the human evolution display. He pointed at Neanderthal and said, “Tanko!” He was not pointing at a man in front of the line.  

I always thought that he did not want to call me “Papa” because he did not approve of me as a dad. He thought that “Should I develop a relationship with this dude? He can be gone for a long time.” The only adult he could rely on was his mother. I don’t blame him. 

My son Yosuke and I sleep in the same futon, and we chat, and I usually fall asleep first. There was a week he cried almost every night. “I wanted to see you so bad!” He could say that because he can speak and share his feelings now. 

He said he dreamed that I was gone for a long time and he was alone.

Maybe that happened. It was not a dream. I was gone for a long time, and it must have scared you. 

Guess what?

For some reason, Yosuke started calling me “Papa” lately. Of course, he calls me “Tan” but I hear more “Papa”

So, I told my wife, 

“I think the reason Yosuke started to call me “papa” is because Yosuke shared how he was feeling at night in a futon when I was gone for the summer!”

My wife said, 

“I think you are interpreting it in the way you like.”  

Anyway, I think this is true that

The best gift for the kids is not “presents” but “being present.” They want our undivided attention.

Steve, my boss and amazing educator, often mentioned how important it is to send kids to bed early and also be with them for a while, although they are in their teens at the parental meeting, because they may share their feelings or ask you for some advice.

I will miss being called “Tan” or “Tanko.”

I am looking forward to spending more time with Yosuke.